This past week I have been in Chicago staying in a dorm at the University of Chicago campus while doing training at the Lutheran School of Theology just a few blocks away. It’s been a really great experience and saying goodbye to 38 other YAGMs who are starting their journey also has been tough but I know that they are going to do great things this year in their places of service! This week has really made me think about a lot of things that could happen this year and I just wanted to share some of my thoughts/feelings with you before I leave tomorrow.
We had some free time this week and did some fun things like eat at an African restaurant where I had oxtail.
And we went to a Cubs game!
On the first day of training sessions, Heidi (the amazing woman who runs the YAGM show), read a poem called “Passover Remembered” and there was one part that really stuck out to me.
Some of you will be so changed by weathers and wanderings that even your closest friends will have to learn your features as though for the first time. Some of you will not change at all. Some will be abandoned by your dearest loves and misunderstood by those who have known you since birth who feel abandoned by you.
This scares me so much. I often find myself worrying about the future and what it will be like when I come back. I have had feelings of guilt at times thinking about leaving some things behind. I am afraid that some might think that I will no longer be with them to help when they need a hand. I know my family has been so supportive of me throughout this whole process but there is a part of me that feels like I am leaving them even though things aren’t perfect. I feel like I am leaving some of my friends out there too who I hang out with all the time. Do they feel like I’m abandoning them? How much am I going to miss out on? What will my friendships be like when I return? These questions run through my mind like wildfire and, although I feel like this is what I am supposed to be doing, the possible answers still scare me.
Another thing that really made me think this week was the idea of starting over in my new country. As Americans we identify ourselves with things like our jobs, degrees, or education. That is who we are and is often very important to us (as it should be). However, in South Africa the things that I thought helped define me won’t matter. People won’t know or care about University of Nebraska or the fact that they gave me a piece of paper saying I got a degree. It is a daunting idea that I am so new and unknown but it is also an exciting opportunity to start fresh and be as authentic as possible.
Well, I leave tomorrow for South Africa by way of Frankfurt, Germany and it still seems kind of surreal. Is this day really here? Although it will be hard to be away for so long I am ready for the challenge and await the journey ahead with great anticipation. I think that I am truly ready for it and I know that this is where I'm supposed to be this year. It won't be easy but it will be worth it.
Because we will be travelling for 36 hours and then have a week of orientation in-country before I get to my site I don’t know when I will be able to update again but I will when I can! I love you all and thank you so much for your support!
Because we will be travelling for 36 hours and then have a week of orientation in-country before I get to my site I don’t know when I will be able to update again but I will when I can! I love you all and thank you so much for your support!
