Learning to Let Go

As I continue through my second month of service I have to admit that I have struggled with my purpose in South Africa.  Questions like “What am I doing here?”, “Is this really what I’m supposed to be doing?”, and “Am I even helping anyone?” have come into my mind on numerous occasions.  As most of my days have been spent at the KwaZamokuhle Diaconic Centre I have, at times, gotten frustrated and worn down by seemingly menial tasks such as peeling more than 1000 carrots with a knife or sitting alone in an office for six hours answering a phone that rings a maximum of 10 times a day.

I had been having a difficult week this week and was talking to a friend and said to him, “Nothing is going my way!” And suddenly I felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks.  Questions like “What are you thinking?” and “How self-centered can you get?” came into my mind.  Who was I to be thinking that I really had any part in this? It has always been God’s plan and will continue to be His plan.  A few days ago I had even highlighted a part in a book that talks about this very issue.  At the time I thought it was just a good quote but never really thought a lot about what the man in the book was saying.  From the book Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller:  “‘Maybe we’re all on a pilgrimage,’ he says. ‘Maybe we’re all going somewhere. Or really, maybe we are all being taken somewhere… [And] it is whatever God wants it to be.  Maybe we are just supposed to trust that He won’t beat us up when we get there.  Maybe we are just supposed to trust that He is good.’” 

Although some of the things that I have done at the centre aren’t exactly what I would like to be doing, it’s not always about me.  Part of being a servant leader is doing a mixture of both things that need to be done and things that you enjoy doing.  My country coordinator, Brian Konkol, talked to me about this when I was telling him about some of the issues I was facing and he reminded me that Jesus didn’t always get to serve how he wanted to either.  Although Jesus did preach and heal, which he was good at and enjoyed doing, he also had to suffer on the cross in the ultimate act of service. 

As I continue on this journey of accompaniment within this community I am learning to let go of the expectations and preconceptions that I have had for myself for this year of service.  Although there are bound to be tasks that seem mundane they can also be an opportunity for the extraordinary to happen.  As Paul says in his letter to the Romans, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  While there may be times that I do not understand my role, I know that God works for the good and not always for our pleasure.  He has a plan and I am learning to trust it more every day.  As the saying goes, Let go and let God!

Shoulder to Shoulder

It is crazy for me to think that almost a month ago I was riding my first kombe to get to my site.  I am starting to adjust to things much better than the first week and people are warming up to me a lot more which is awesome!

I am sorry that I have not updated more often but I have had problems with the internet here and the store in town has not been very helpful in getting me what I needed.  So I took matters into my own hands and took a kombe to Pietermaritzburg today to get what I needed and now that I have somewhat better internet access I will hopefully be able to give you all more updates.  I also got to spend some time with the Konkols (my country coordinators) which was great!

I am still spending my weekdays working at the KwaZamokuhle Centre and doing whatever needs to be done.  The receptionist has been on holiday for the past month so I have learned to do most of the book work and handling orders for wafers that come in.  I also package the order and help take them into town on Wednesdays.   I am hoping to teach them how to use Excel on the computer so that their system of ordering and tracking payments can be more efficient.  

Two weeks ago, however, there was a group staying at the conference center so I spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen which included helping with cooking and doing a lot of dishes.  It reminded me of the good ol’ days helping with meals at church!  The best part was that I took the time to have Goodness start teaching me Zulu so I have been able to learn some of the language.  She was teaching me more of just words or phrases so I am still trying to figure out subject-verb agreements and sentence structure but I am sure that will come together in time.

I have really gotten to enjoy going to church even if I can’t understand anything that is being said.  I bought one of the hymn books that everyone uses so I can sing along.  It only lists the song number and the words but there is no music.  But there are always people who just know the tune of the song and start singing it and they sound so good!  And if they don’t know it they act like they do and make up their own melody.  They also do everything straight from the Liturgy in the book so it is pretty easy to follow along and somewhat understand what is going on.

Two Sundays ago was extra special because the reverend of the parish, Reverend Xaba, was being installed.  It was a very big celebration and the church was full of people from all the churches in the area.  I had been warned that it could be a long day so I made sure to eat a big breakfast.  The service was very, very traditional with full robes and acolytes and incense and the whole nine yards.  The actual church service wasn’t too long though and only lasted a little more than three hours.  Then they had a special celebration where different groups from within the parish (women’s league, youth league, etc.) would bring welcome gifts and present them to the pastor and his family. 

It started with people bringing in two queen sized mattresses and box springs and laying them at the front of the church and then women made the beds with new sheets and blankets and then had the family lay in them.  It was one of the most interesting things I have seen in a church service for sure!  Then for the next two hours different groups would enter the church singing a song and present a gift or gifts to the pastor and his family.  There were a lot of presents too: electric kettles, microwave, new shirt and tie, briefcases, flour, laundry detergent, a DVD home theatre system, printer, blankets, a sheep.  And all of these gifts were just placed right in front of the family in the front of the church.   Although a very new thing for me, it was a very cool thing to see this celebration because everyone was so excited for it and there was a lot of joy filling the place!

This past week was a lot of them same with me doing projects around the Centre.  They still had files and documents that were dated in the 90s and earlier so I was very willing to help get rid of those to make things more organized.  (It also meant that I got to build a big fire which is always fun!)  I also witnessed my first chicken slaughter.  I was actually very impressed with how efficient the entire process was and one worker had 20 chickens cleaned and in the freezer in only a couple of hours.  I have talked to Reverend Xaba and Ms. Constance about visiting the schools next week once the receptionist has returned so I am hoping that I am able to find things there that I can help with.  I will keep you all updated!  I also received a package from my parents on Monday which made for a great way to start the week!  The Husker flag looks great in my flat and the Sour Patch Kids tastes amazing! =)

As my first month of service here is wrapping up I have a lot of anticipation and excitement to see what the coming months.  My prayer is that God will continue to show me the areas where my gifts can be used in this community and in the lives of these people.  I am I so humbled and blessed by the kind words that people have sent me and the prayers that are being said for me.  So thank you to everyone who is watching out for me!

“This isn’t so others can take it easy while you sweat it out.  No, you’re shoulder to shoulder with them all the way, your surplus matching their deficit, their surplus matching your deficit.  The goal is equality.  As it is written: Nothing left over to the one with the most, nothing lacking to the one with the least.”     

2 Corinthians 8:13-15